The Definition of Love

When asked to define what love is, one study rated trust as the most important component of love. Also rated as highly important were commitment, caring, honesty, friendship, respect, faithfulness, reliability, loyalty and communication.

Loving or Needy?

People who are insecure sometimes use unhealthy love relationships to boost their self esteem, or give themselves a sense of identity and direction. When one relationship ends, they anxiously seek another to replace it. This type of relationship can never substitute for inner direction, true self-esteem or a reason to authentically enjoy life.


Infatuation is identified by the drive towards satisfying needs instead of a conscious choice to be in a loving, healthy relationship.

Some of the signs and signals of infatuation are:

  • Desiring to become one with the lover
  • Anxiety about being loved in return
  • Never feeling loved enough
  • Idealizing the loved one
  • Feelings of insecurity when outside a love relationship
  • Life is seen as fulfilling only when involved in a love relationship
  • Extremes of happiness and misery Infatuation is falling in love with your own creation—what you need or hope for the other person to be, rather than who or what they actually are. Certain qualities put some people at a high risk for a compulsive or frantic love.

These include:

  • A tendency to love too easily
  • A vision of oneself as a unique individual who is very deserving of love
  • Frequent and easy daydreaming and fantasizing
  • Wanting more love from others than is usually received
  • A high sensitivity to goodbyes and separations
  • Defensiveness when criticized
  • Failure to show anger openly and directly
  • Self-centeredness—focusing more on getting love than giving it.

People with these traits are more prone to love in an unhealthy way than people without this combination of traits. Compulsive, anxious or frantic lovers are not likely to find lasting love without professional counselling. If some of these characteristics sound familiar to you or someone you know, counselling can help to quickly overcome these concerns and improve all of your relationships.

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