In August 1992, Hurricane Andrew went bananas. Like a drunk on too many Tequilas, he tore into South Florida with wind gusts of 175mph, redrawing the landscape. Approximately 600,000 homes and businesses bore the brunt of his menacing and destructive actions.

By the time Andrew left, he had run up a tab of $26 billion dollars and left behind some very angry insurance companies. Andrew was responsible for the second highest insurance payout in history, surpassed only by that associated with September 11.

Many insurance company consulted their crystal balls and decided the future in Florida was too unpredictable. So, while they covered the claims, they refused to renew policies.

State Farm Had a Different Opinion

State Farm looked further and assessed the reasons why these homes had been so vulnerable. Hurricane Andrew had blown roofs off because contractors had not anchored them to the frames of the homes. Then, having taken action to understand the situation, State Farm paid out the policy claims and also paid for its customers to bring their buildings up to code.

This insurance company was willing to make sure their customers had peace of mind should Andrew or one of his family come visiting once again.

Families can be Like Hurricanes

When crisis strikes a family unexpectedly, it can blow the roof off, leaving family members exposed and vulnerable. When a family has a good internal structure, the roof stays anchored and in place, regardless of the turmoil going on outside the family home.

Which Brings Us to the Three Most Important Words

Webster's Dictionary defines the word "Client" in the following way: “A client is one who comes under your care, guidance and protection.”

This definition places the emphasis on us, as professionals, in our relationship with you, to care, protect and guide, as you recover from unexpected events, assisting you in rebuilding your family to achieve a new and more enjoyable standard of living. 

When the unexpected blows the roof off, leaving you needing care, guidance and protection, please allow us to bring you and your family to a new, and improved standard of living.

How can we work so hard to try to love someone, and still be frustrated with them so frequently?

Once the question was lodged firmly in my counsellor mind, I too had to find the answer to this question.

I am a “Loving Person” most of the time . . .

Why do people in otherwise loving relationships find it so challenging to communicate with each other in a gentle and loving manner when we are frustrated or upset with another person? It is like a different “person” takes over and feels the need to mobilize an emotional army of emotional defences.

What is the Opposite of Love?

When asked, most people will answer the question, “What is the opposite of Love?” that the opposite of Love is Hate.

While “hate” may seem to be a logical response to the question, this is a common misperception, that leads to many needless misunderstandings in communication.

Love is a core emotion from which many other emotions are created. Emotions such as happiness, kindness, goodwill, charity, faith, empathy, fairness and compassion all come from the root intention and “work” of love.

What is Hate and Where Does it Come From?

Hate is a subset of a different set of emotions. From greed to anger; from prejudice to envy; from jealousy to pride; from deceit to aggression and brutal abuse, the core emotion from which hate comes from is none other than fear.

Fear . . .

Fear is the opposite of love because fear is the base emotion from which hate, prejudice, greed, stress, paranoia, and many other negative emotions and experiences are based. Fear closes the heart and makes us vulnerable to being “taken over” by negative influences and control.

Fear is never patient;

Fear is not kind;

Fear is almost always jealous;

Fear is rude and frequently brags about personal accomplishments;

Fear is proud of what has been accomplished without the assistance of a partner;

Fear is easily angered;

Fear recalls “wrongs” to mind quickly, seeking to “dominate or control” and is frequently defensive when questioned or criticized;

Fear is typically happy when other people mess up and is never happy to celebrate what others have accomplished or created;

Truth and openness is anathema to fear;

Fear always gives up on others, never trusts, always loses hope, quitting early and often;

Fear will come to an end as will all other gifts of knowledge and material possessions;

When confronted with true love, fear always has to back down, even if it takes a while . . .

Build your ability to love by:

Expressing Yourself: Put positive feelings into words: "Our relationship is really important to me.” "I really care for you."

Loving Yourself: Love yourself, so you’re better able to deal with times when your partner has doubts and fears about the relationship. Reward yourself frequently for the things you appreciate about yourself and the relationship you helped to build.

Tolerating Differences: Everyone has differences of opinion. Differing opinions don’t have to mean a battle. Sometimes, it’s better to agree to disagree.

Being Understanding: Be empathetic. If you can see life from the other person's point of view, you will be more understanding and less judgemental.

Enjoying Time Alone: Being happy alone occasionally means you can be less dependent on your mate, and enjoy more of what life has to offer even when you cannot be together.

If you are struggling with balancing your emotions, let us show you how we can help you regain control – call today 604-574-6555

Loving or Needy?

People who are insecure sometimes use unhealthy love relationships to boost their self esteem, or give themselves a sense of identity and direction. When one relationship ends, they anxiously seek another to replace it. This type of relationship can never substitute for inner direction, true self-esteem or a reason to authentically enjoy life.

Infatuation

Infatuation is identified by the drive towards satisfying needs instead of a conscious choice to be in a loving, healthy relationship.

Some of the signs and signals of infatuation are:

• Desiring to become one with the lover
• Anxiety about being loved in return
• Never feeling loved enough
• Idealizing the loved one
• Feelings of insecurity when outside a love relationship
• Life is seen as fulfilling only when involved in a love relationship
• Extremes of happiness and misery Infatuation is falling in love with your own creation—what you need or hope for the other person to be, rather than who or what they actually are. Certain qualities put some people at a high risk for a compulsive or frantic love.

These include:

• A tendency to love too easily
• A vision of oneself as a unique individual who is very deserving of love
• Frequent and easy daydreaming and fantasizing
• Wanting more love from others than is usually received
• A high sensitivity to goodbyes and separations
• Defensiveness when criticized
• Failure to show anger openly and directly
• Self-centeredness—focusing more on getting love than giving it.

People with these traits are more prone to love in an unhealthy way than people without this combination of traits. Compulsive, anxious or frantic lovers are not likely to find lasting love without professional counselling. If some of these characteristics sound familiar to you or someone you know, counselling can help to quickly overcome these concerns and improve all of your relationships.

Let us show you how we can help – call today 604-574-6555

Fact: Jealousy typically comes from low self-confidence, which creates unreasonable fears of losing your mate. Irrational jealousy causes tension and usually damages love in the long term.

Myth: You cannot control your feelings for someone.

Fact: Love is a decision. Falling in or out of love means changing your feelings and behaviour toward the other person. This requires conscious effort.

Myth: If you really love someone, your feelings will always be the same.

Fact: Even when love is genuine and committed, the depth of feeling can and does fluctuate with life changes and external events. It is hard to feel loving when you are ill, frustrated or anxious, but that does not mean you will not feel loving again when external pressures are relieved.

Myth: Love is over when the "fireworks" stop.

Fact: The magnetism of sudden intimacy that we experience when we "fall in love" is more a sign of the degree of the preceding loneliness than proof of the intensity of genuine love.

As two people get to know one another and go through the cycle of “peaks and valleys,” their initial feelings of intimate infatuation will naturally lose some of the honeymoon qualities. Over time, as issues and concerns are resolved together, true bonding and genuine, strong, long lasting love will be able to grow.

Looking for guidance in your relationships, let us show you how we can help – call today 604-574-6555

Love is the source of emotional oxygen that keeps humanity alive and well. As long as there are human beings, there will be love.

Why are some couples happier in love than others? Although love has often been compared to passionate romance, it is really much more than infatuation. Love can come in many forms, for example, a person can experience emotional intimacy, platonic friendship, “friends with benefits,” infatuation, parentchild concerns and healthy patterns of bonded love.

How do we know when we have found healthy love? What makes love function in a truly satisfying way? While romantic love has some special characteristics, loving relationships of all types (spouse, partner, lover, parent, child, or friend) have some core qualities that set them apart.

At the heart of love is:

• Being able to depend on one another in times of need.
• Mutual understanding and sharing.
• Giving and receiving emotional support.
• Mutually supporting one another's welfare.
• Enjoying one another’s company.