I am always becoming triggered by the little things . . . I want to overcome this problem and speak to my partner calmly. I want to work things out, I just cannot seem to get past a certain point before I blow up, and start the cycle all over again . . . I am so tired of fighting with the one that I love.

How is Anger Expressed

Cultural standards and gender roles play a part in how we do, or do not, express anger. Some people keep it inside, waiting for it to boil over. Others blow up quickly and it passes really quickly as well. Regardless of how or why excessive anger is expressed, it is always leaving behind a trail of bruised, hurt and damaged lives.

In North America, it is common for men to act angry when they are feeling hurt, afraid, overwhelmed, or confused.

Anger in women, has traditionally been considered to be an "unfeminine" emotion, and some women find it difficult to express their anger.

Some men find anger in women to be threatening. As a result, women may be more likely to express feeling hurt than angry, or turn their anger into self-criticism.

In families where anger was dealt with in an unhealthy manner, or where it was prohibited entirely, children may learn to express anger through whining, pouting, being clingy, or developing self-destructive behaviours.

When coping mechanisms are unsuccessful, children and adults, may try to hurt the target of their anger "accidentally" or through promising compliance but doing the opposite of what was promised. If these styles of coping are not resolved, the patterns that are developed will create attitudes and ways of handling anger right through adult life, replaying themselves over and over again, with increasing intensity in important relationships.

Breaking the Anger Cycle

Professionally trained counsellors can help break the anger cycle by:

• Providing opportunities to safely discuss angry feelings in a safe and confidential environment.
• Identifying the true sources of anger and resolving them.
• Bringing resolution to old anger patterns.
• Providing effective tools for resolving past and present anger patterns.
• Replacing distorted thinking and irrational beliefs with new ways of thinking that are constructive and build better relationships.
• Building a higher level of self-esteem and self-acceptance.​
• Using innovative and leading edge technology to reprogram anger patterns from brain injuries, and traumatic abuse.  

Let us help you and the ones that you love, gain control over anger – call today 604-574-6555

Psychological reactions to anger include:

• Seeing yourself as a victim.
• Feeling discounted, overlooked, or ignored.
• Feelings of helplessness or powerlessness.
• Seeking opportunities for justice or revenge.

Cultural standards and sex roles also play a part in how we do, or do not, express anger. In North America, the expression of anger in men is generally considered to be acceptable in some situations. It is not uncommon for men to act angry when they are feeling hurt, afraid, or confused.

Anger in women, conversely, has traditionally been considered to be an "unfeminine" emotion, and some men find this emotion in women threatening. As a result, women may be more likely to feel hurt than angry, or turn their anger into self-criticism.

In families where anger was dealt with in an unhealthy manner, or where it was prohibited, children may learn to express anger through whining, pouting, being clingy, or becoming self-destructive.

If these coping mechanisms are unsuccessful, children may try to hurt the target of their anger "accidentally" or through promising compliance but doing the opposite of what was promised. If these styles of coping are not resolved, children will carry these attitudes and ways of handling anger into adult life. In adult life, unresolved anger patterns from childhood are typically replayed in present day relationships.

Breaking the Anger Cycle

Professionally trained counsellors can help break the anger cycle by:

• Providing opportunities to safely discuss angry feelings in a safe and confidential environment where others are not likely to be harmed.
• Identifying the true sources of anger.
• Bringing resolution and new ways of dealing with old anger patterns.
• Providing "tools" for effective resolution of past and present anger patterns.
• Replacing distorted thinking and irrational beliefs with new ways of thinking that are more constructive.
• Building a higher level of self-esteem and self-acceptance.​

Let us show you how we can help you gain control over anger – call today 604-574-6555

For most people this brings up images of a loss of control and negative associations such as frustration, hurt, and fear. Anger can be either an emotion that brings our focus to something that needs our attention, or it can be a powerful force that influences us to act in irrational ways. Anger is a signal that we do not like what is happening at that moment in time.

Anger does not go away if we ignore it, deny its existence, or fail to resolve the source of the frustration. When we ignore angry feelings, the emotional energy goes "underground" where it makes "terrorist type sneak attacks" on our health and relationships. Buried anger in the form of rage often surfaces when a crisis presents itself, making the impact of the crisis much more intense.

Anger is an intense emotional response triggered by our subjective interpretation of events or circumstances which violate our boundaries. Personal boundaries are the invisible place where we end and the world around us begins. Boundaries are also the place where we can feel comfortable and protected within ourselves. When this sense of personal space is violated, we feel uncomfortable, as if we are having our feelings crowded.

Anger serves to reinforce and protect this sense of where our boundaries exist by letting others know when they are stepping on our emotional toes or sensitive areas. Often we fail to recognize annoyance, irritation and displeasure as low-level responses of anger, which will build into full-blown rage, if left to accumulate over a period of time.

The Roots of Emotion

The roots of emotion, the things that anger us, and the way we express our emotions vary according to culture, age, sex and relative power in a situation. Emotions are universal. When and how we respond to emotions—such as with anger—will vary, depending on individual and learned patterns of coping responses.

Anger usually begins with a loss, or the perceived threat of a loss, such as:

• Loss of self-esteem. We become angry, often with ourselves, when we believe we have failed or let ourselves or others down.
• Loss of face. Public exposure of failures or inadequacies can be humiliating and infuriating.
• Threat of physical harm or violence. In this type of threat, anger helps us to activate our self-preservation instincts.
• Loss of valued possessions, skills, abilities or roles. Regardless of who is to blame, losing something that we are proud of or attached to can cause both hurt and anger.
• Loss of a valued relationship. Anger is often a naturally occurring, though not always healthy response to the loss of an important relationship.

You can have control over your anger – call today to find out how we can help 604-574-6555