How can we work so hard to try to love someone, and still be frustrated with them so frequently?

Once the question was lodged firmly in my counsellor mind, I too had to find the answer to this question.

I am a “Loving Person” most of the time . . .

Why do people in otherwise loving relationships find it so challenging to communicate with each other in a gentle and loving manner when we are frustrated or upset with another person? It is like a different “person” takes over and feels the need to mobilize an emotional army of emotional defences.

What is the Opposite of Love?

When asked, most people will answer the question, “What is the opposite of Love?” that the opposite of Love is Hate.

While “hate” may seem to be a logical response to the question, this is a common misperception, that leads to many needless misunderstandings in communication.

Love is a core emotion from which many other emotions are created. Emotions such as happiness, kindness, goodwill, charity, faith, empathy, fairness and compassion all come from the root intention and “work” of love.

What is Hate and Where Does it Come From?

Hate is a subset of a different set of emotions. From greed to anger; from prejudice to envy; from jealousy to pride; from deceit to aggression and brutal abuse, the core emotion from which hate comes from is none other than fear.

Fear . . .

Fear is the opposite of love because fear is the base emotion from which hate, prejudice, greed, stress, paranoia, and many other negative emotions and experiences are based. Fear closes the heart and makes us vulnerable to being “taken over” by negative influences and control.

Fear is never patient;

Fear is not kind;

Fear is almost always jealous;

Fear is rude and frequently brags about personal accomplishments;

Fear is proud of what has been accomplished without the assistance of a partner;

Fear is easily angered;

Fear recalls “wrongs” to mind quickly, seeking to “dominate or control” and is frequently defensive when questioned or criticized;

Fear is typically happy when other people mess up and is never happy to celebrate what others have accomplished or created;

Truth and openness is anathema to fear;

Fear always gives up on others, never trusts, always loses hope, quitting early and often;

Fear will come to an end as will all other gifts of knowledge and material possessions;

When confronted with true love, fear always has to back down, even if it takes a while . . .

Love is the source of emotional oxygen that keeps humanity alive and well. As long as there are human beings, there will be love.

Why are some couples happier in love than others? Although love has often been compared to passionate romance, it is really much more than infatuation. Love can come in many forms, for example, a person can experience emotional intimacy, platonic friendship, “friends with benefits,” infatuation, parentchild concerns and healthy patterns of bonded love.

How do we know when we have found healthy love? What makes love function in a truly satisfying way? While romantic love has some special characteristics, loving relationships of all types (spouse, partner, lover, parent, child, or friend) have some core qualities that set them apart.

At the heart of love is:

• Being able to depend on one another in times of need.
• Mutual understanding and sharing.
• Giving and receiving emotional support.
• Mutually supporting one another's welfare.
• Enjoying one another’s company.