In August 1992, Hurricane Andrew went bananas. Like a drunk on too many Tequilas, he tore into South Florida with wind gusts of 175mph, redrawing the landscape. Approximately 600,000 homes and businesses bore the brunt of his menacing and destructive actions.

By the time Andrew left, he had run up a tab of $26 billion dollars and left behind some very angry insurance companies. Andrew was responsible for the second highest insurance payout in history, surpassed only by that associated with September 11.

Many insurance company consulted their crystal balls and decided the future in Florida was too unpredictable. So, while they covered the claims, they refused to renew policies.

State Farm Had a Different Opinion

State Farm looked further and assessed the reasons why these homes had been so vulnerable. Hurricane Andrew had blown roofs off because contractors had not anchored them to the frames of the homes. Then, having taken action to understand the situation, State Farm paid out the policy claims and also paid for its customers to bring their buildings up to code.

This insurance company was willing to make sure their customers had peace of mind should Andrew or one of his family come visiting once again.

Families can be Like Hurricanes

When crisis strikes a family unexpectedly, it can blow the roof off, leaving family members exposed and vulnerable. When a family has a good internal structure, the roof stays anchored and in place, regardless of the turmoil going on outside the family home.

Which Brings Us to the Three Most Important Words

Webster's Dictionary defines the word "Client" in the following way: “A client is one who comes under your care, guidance and protection.”

This definition places the emphasis on us, as professionals, in our relationship with you, to care, protect and guide, as you recover from unexpected events, assisting you in rebuilding your family to achieve a new and more enjoyable standard of living. 

When the unexpected blows the roof off, leaving you needing care, guidance and protection, please allow us to bring you and your family to a new, and improved standard of living.

• Consult with your physician regularly.
• Improve your emotional and social support system. A network of supportive friends and family can act as a buffer and prevent the burnout cycle from occurring. Develop new friendships based on mutual giving and receiving.
• Take the initiative at work to start new projects that have personal meaning. Look for creative ways to bring variety to otherwise boring or routine tasks.
• Develop sources of enjoyment and reward other than your career or occupation. Hobbies, sports activities, recreation, and community events can all be a tremendous source of variety, and stimulation.
• Be good to your body. Exercising regularly, eating a proper diet, and getting adequate sleep can all help manage physical symptoms of burnout.
• Pay attention to early warning signs that may signal difficulties and early symptoms of burnout. Don't attribute fatigue, irritability, and signs of depression as being just tired or moody, and dismiss these warning indicators.
• Be realistic about goals and expectations of yourself and others. You may need to re-evaluate your priorities, set more manageable goals, or take a break and come back with a fresh perspective.
• Learn how to ask for the things you need, and how to respond to others when your needs are not being met.
• Look for internal rewards and gratification, rather than looking to others for personal validation.
• Examine personal projects and decide where your time and energy is going to be best used, or bring you the greatest return on investment.
• Avoid taking on responsibility for others. Set up strong boundaries and allow others to do things they can do for themselves.

Recovering from Burnout – If you are already into the burnout cycle, there are some ways you can improve your situation:

• Accept negative feelings of anger, confusion, depression, anxiety, and failure as reality. Acceptance of the situation is the first step towards taking corrective action.
• Take Your Time. There is usually a powerful sense of loss present during the burnout cycle. Whether identity, idealism, moral values, or a lost dream, something has gone. Allow yourself time to recover.
• Get Support. Acknowledging the pain and difficulty is not a sign of weakness, but a step of growth. Talking with a therapist, friends, or family about your concerns and frustrations generally relieves emotional pain and brings a sense of relief.
• Adjust Expectations. When recovering from burnout it is reasonable to expect that you will not be able to perform at the same energy level until you are fully recovered. Adjust your expectations so that you will not repeat the burnout cycle again by rushing to make changes that are not well thought out or appropriately planned.
• Learn to Relax. After burnout has already occurred, you will likely have to work harder at relaxing. Relaxation, visualization, and imagery techniques, along with physical exercise, will help relax your mind and body.
• Balance your Life. If you are burning out in your career, focus more time and energy on personal and social relationships.
• Review Your Goals. If you feel like you are lost in the "forest" of crises, unfinished projects, and emotional exhaustion, "step back" periodically from your situation. Review where you have been, and decide where you really want to go. Set realistic goals that will help you realize your true dreams and desires.
• Get Help. Recovery from burnout is accomplished much more quickly with the help of a well-trained and experienced counsellor. Therapy will assist you in regaining an objective perspective, and will put you in a position of strength where the burnout cycle can be broken.
• When people become stressed, anxious and burnt out, patterns of self-destructive behaviour often become major challenges. These patterns are sometimes difficult to understand. In the face of too much well-meaning advice and self-help, programs a counsellor can often sort contradictory thoughts and feelings.
• Clinical Counselling involves using a human partnership approach to improving your important relationships. Building a trusting and comfortable relationship between client(s) and counsellor is a primary part of the counselling program. We welcome your questions and comments at any time.
• Specialized Therapeutic Solutions operates our counselling practice upholding the standards and ethics of Registered Clinical Counsellors (BC Association of Clinical Counsellors).
• The decision to attend a counselling session may be based on a wide range of considerations and dissatisfactions. Whatever the reasons for your decisions, we are listening and ready to assist.

Most people identify frequent unresolved disagreements, arguments, a lack of trust, poor communication, and criticism, as markers of an unhealthy relationship.

When asked, most describe the attributes of a healthy relationship using the following terms:

• A strong and loving bond;
• Great communication;
• Exceptional trust;
• Ongoing commitment to resolving whatever life brings.

When the research is reviewed there are specific markers that are identified and categorized repeatedly as leading to a happy, healthy and satisfying relationship.

Leading relationship scientist Dr. John Gottman has identified specific signs and signals that lead to relationship breakdown and signal the coming to an end of a healthy relationship of any type. Following is a condensed version of Gottman’s summary of these markers titled “Predicting Divorce”:

1. A Harsh Start-up: Being negative, accusatory or using contempt.

2. The Four Horsemen:

a. Criticism: e.g. “Why are you so selfish?”

b. Contempt: Using sarcasm, cynicism, name calling, eye rolling gestures;

c. Defensiveness: Blaming the other person frequently, they are the problem not me;

d. Stonewalling: Shutting out further discussion. It may be important to note that men tend to do this more than women.

3. Flooding: When your partners’ negativity is often so overwhelming that they disengage to protect themselves.

4. Bodily Reactions: Physiological changes that happen within the body (such as significantly increased heart rate and blood pressure along with other strong chemical changes in the body and the brain) impairing the person’s ability to process information.

5. Failed Repair Attempts: One partners attempts to repair ongoing conflicts fails frequently.

6. Bad Memories: When the couple views the past in a negative light to the degree that they mentally “rewrite” or distort their past.

What are the Signs of a Healthy Relationship?

There are a lot of common markers for understanding what makes an unhappy relationship better and what makes a good relationship a happier and healthier relationship.

1. Complain and Communicate Constructively: Partners are careful how they present their complaint, the words they choose and the tone of the voice they use.

2. Share Your Concerns: Partners need to tell each other how they feel and what they need. If feelings and conflicts are left unresolved, the opportunity for bonding and relationship intimacy is lost. Men often think that they are cooling things down when they refuse to discuss things and women often feel minimized when issues and concerns are not openly discussed.

3. Be a Little Selfish: If you give and give until you feel resentful, trapped and imprisoned you are building a wall between you and your partner. Work on giving to yourself about the same or a little bit more then you do to your partner.

4. Break the Cycle: With criticism often comes a defensive response. Criticism leads to partners feeling alone, disconnected and helpless to resolve the problem. To break the cycle, communicate with the end goal in mind, asking questions about what you would like to see change and develop, instead of identifying negative qualities about the other person that need to change. 

5. Fulfil Your Dreams: Dreams unfulfilled can lead to significant resentment. Talk about your dreams with your partner and create an action plan to make each of yours dreams a reality.

6. Support Each Other: When black clouds descend on one partner (a death in the family, depression, career setback, significant and challenging life circumstance) be a person who is willing to listen and be compassionate in your partners’ darkest days.

7. Communicate With Clarity: When you are making a request of your partner, or asking your partner to do something for you, communicate with clear expectations and if you are not clear, gently request clarification or further directions. E.g. “Sweetie could you please take out the garbage by tomorrow morning so that when the pickup comes it’s there with the rest of the trash.”

8. Calm Your Anger: Regardless of who or what the issue may be, not being able to control your negative emotions, especially anger, can and will erode the positive feelings your partner has had for you. The person that the anger is directed at soon feels threatened and at risk, disconnecting the bond in the relationship.

9. Take Time Together: Life can become busy, and regardless if you are a new parent, parents of teenagers or empty nesters, there is always something to be done, or busyness to take care of. Couples often end up exhausted because of the ongoing obligations of “life.” There will always be work to be done, or things to “take care of.” There will not always be opportunities to “connect” with the children, or your partner. Take the time for one other spontaneously or by building time into the calendar. The cost of neglecting the connection in your relationship is simply too high.

10. Appreciate The Differences: Over time you will discover that your partner is different then you are and that you both have a different set of skills, talents and abilities. You can spend a lot of time, effort and energy trying to get them to do things your way or you can just accept their differences and make a plan to develop and appreciate the way these differences can complement each other in the relationship. Open a dialogue with your partner about these differences and find ways to resolve issues, remembering to focus on the issue not on your partner.

Looking for guidance in your relationships, let us show you how we can help – call today 604-574-6555